I see you have made a tiny human, I too have made a tiny human, we should be friends!

My best friend and I had it all planned out.  We were going to flat share in our twenties, meet devastatingly handsome men at the same time, buy houses next door to each other and raise our families together! More than thirty years later we’re still bffs but we didn’t quite follow the plan.  My children are now 8 and 13, and she is happily child free.  So of course when I had my babies, I had to venture to the play groups and baby clinics without her.

Becoming a mum can be a pretty lonely experience.  For most of us, quite literally overnight, a huge part of our social life disappears.  No more chatting with the regulars, coffee breaks with colleagues or quick catch ups at the morning team meeting. Instead, you’re at home, largely on your own, except for the tiny human you created who is massively demanding, a terrible conversationalist and seems to be missing the instruction book!

Having other mums to chat to, who are navigating the same challenges and worrying the same worries, can be immensely beneficial.

I learned so many things from the mums I met at various baby groups when mine were small, and I got so much from those friendships.  Tips on how to get through night feeds and recommendations for everything from teething gel to nappies to the best baby classes.

A lovely lady showed me how to use a sling I’d bought so I could have some hands free time with my oldest – a very needy baby, another gave me tips on how to breastfeed lying down and a third introduced me to the concept of baby led weaning.

Celebrations and Commiserations!

We commiserated with each other after bad nights of sleep regressions and bad days of teething.  Celebrated together after the first smile, the first tooth, the first step, the first full nights sleep! We shared birth stories, worries and weaning recipes.  Funny tales, cake and tears.  We watched over each other’s babies at playgroups and soft play so we could pop to the loo without having to cart all our belongings with us and get a few precious minutes of alone time!

Some of these friendships were short lived and transient, others lasted much longer, and some of those women are still in my life now. Regardless of the length of the relationship, they all had a positive impact on me, and I hope they feel the same about me!

So perhaps I’ve convinced you and you want to make some mum friends.  Maybe you didn’t need convincing and what you really came here looking for was pointers on how to make some mum friends.  If so, read on!

Making friends when you’re a child is fairly straightforward.  Kids are pretty transparent, they often don’t have the social anxieties that pop up in adolescence and adulthood.  They have a self confidence born of innocence. By contrast, striking up new friendships as an adult can seem quite daunting.  Even just going to a playgroup for the first time, being the ‘new girl’, at a time when we may already be feeling less confident and more unsure of ourselves can be a huge challenge; but honestly? it’s worth it.

How to make mum friends in 3 easy steps!

1. Find some mums.  If you want to make friends with other mums, then you need to go to places where other mums go!

• A baby class, Mamafit or a MumsSOCIAL meet-up is a great place to meet other mums.  If the class has some socialising time built in to give you chance to chat with each other even better!
• A local park/playground.  If you go to the same place at the same time each week you will probably notice the same faces.  Other mums walking circuits of the park hoping to induce an afternoon nap, or pushing little ones on swings after the morning school run.
• It’s not quite the same, but you can meet other mums online (and it may be the only choice if you happen to become a mum during a global pandemic). There is an abundance of forums, Facebook groups and more, dedicated to general mumming and all sorts of topic/age/location niche mumming that you can check out and contribute to.  If you meet a local mum on one of these platforms they may well become an ‘in person’ friend too.

2. Talk to some mums! I know, I know, easier said than done sometimes!

• Don’t know what to talk about? Ask them questions (nothing too personal!) how old is their little one? Do they have any other children? Do they live locally? What did they do before they became a mum? Do they go to any other classes they would recommend? Where did they get their jazzy change bag/cute baby outfit from?
• Going to a group but feeling anxious? Speak to the group leader, they can introduce you to some of the other mums and help break the ice.
• Joined an online forum/group? Comment on other peoples posts and contribute your own.
• Remember, many of the other mums may be feeling just as anxious as you and hoping someone will chat to them!

3. Keep in touch

• Go back to the same group next week, or arrange to meet at another group instead/as well.
• Swap contact details or connect on social media if you don’t feel comfortable giving out your phone number just yet.
• Join the MumsSOCIAL group chat so you can stay in touch with the mums you have met at a walk.
• Join the Mamafit forum to chat with other mums.

Good Luck!

What the Mums SOCIAL mums have to say about mum friends:

“Meeting up with other mums – it’s good for your sanity!” Karen

“Knowing that it’s not just you, and other mums are feeling the same” Emily

“It’s helpful to be able to ask questions, and reassuring to know we worry about the same things” Steph