When I was pregnant with my second child, I was unexpectedly presented with the opportunity to take voluntary redundancy. I hadn’t previously considered becoming a stay at home mum (SAHM), we couldn’t afford for me to not financially contribute to the household, but the redundancy package and some rejigging of our finances suddenly made not going back to work after maternity leave a viable option.
I feel incredibly lucky that I was able to choose whether to stay at home or return to work, so many mums I met had no choice.
Taking the redundancy offer was financially a no brainer for our family, and honestly we didn’t give it much thought beyond that, there were definitely wider consequences that we hadn’t even considered but with hindsight, if I had to make the decision again I would make the same choice.
So here are some expected and unexpected things I found after becoming a stay at home mum.
Finances
Money is a major consideration for most families with a new arrival on the way. Deciding not to go back to work after maternity leave will put a big dent in the household income. For many mums their wage is needed to pay the bills. We definitely felt the impact of losing my salary. We knew that would be offset in part by not having to pay for childcare, but there were also unexpected savings made. I was doing far less driving, and after the first few crazy newborn weeks had more time to prepare cheaper meals. I could also swap out the weekly grocery delivery for a budget supermarket shop! On the flip side, being at home more did slightly increase our energy bills – I’m an extra jumper sort of person, but some days the heating just needed to go on!
It was also the first time since I was a teenager that I was financially dependent on someone else, and it put the responsibility of ‘bringing home the bacon’ squarely on my husband’s shoulders.
Career and personal development
In the end I spent 7 years away from the workforce. The time away coupled with my desire to only work part time meant that even returning to a job that was equivalent to the managerial position I left was not possible. Never mind looking for the sort of job I could have been in if I had stayed in employment and worked my way up the ladder. For some women, even if they could afford to stay home full time the long term cost to their career could be too great to take more than a year away. It’s certainly important to consider what the impact could be.
New opportunities
Although I lost out in terms of career progression, not going back to work gave me time to get involved more with my community. I volunteered as a breastfeeding peer supporter, helped out with the PTA at my children’s school and supported a community group my children are part of. I got the opportunity to develop skills and knowledge I perhaps wouldn’t have if I’d returned to work.
A career break can also be an opportunity to try a different career when you do return to work. You might decide to return to education to gain further skills and qualifications.
I have a physics degree and used to work in science education, a bit different from what I do now!
Social aspects
In my previous job I worked in a busy museum in the city centre. I saw and spoke to a large number of colleagues and visitors every day, and once a week met my bestie for lunch. The adaption to being home on maternity leave and some days not seeing another person other than my baby and my husband was something of a challenge!
Second time round my eldest was in school so I got to see the school gate mums, and one of the mums I met on my first maternity leave had her second a few weeks after I had mine. We went to lots of groups together and met lots of other mums. Gradually though, over the second half of the year, first one, then another, and another of the group of mum friends I socialised with returned to work. Not long after my daughter turned 1 all the other mums had gone back to work.
Of course there were still plenty of other mums at at the groups I went to, but many had younger babies than I did. To find mums with toddlers and older children I had to venture to some different groups (my daughter was getting too big for the baby classes anyway). I did find some other stay at home mums and also women who had returned to work on a part time or shift basis too.
Pros and Cons
Being a working mum is hard. It’s a juggling act, trying to get that work/life balance right. Sitting in rush hour traffic as the nursery closing time draws ever closer, fitting in swimming lessons, baby ballet and the like, around precious family time. However, being a stay at home mum brings its own challenges. There’s no lunch break for popping to the shops or reading a few chapters or a magazine. Everything takes twice as long when there’s a small person ‘helping’/trying daredevil stunts/demanding attention. Not having an audience while you’re on the loo is almost unheard of!
There’s certainly a lot to take into consideration if you’re thinking of not returning to work straight after maternity leave. Whatever you decide I know it will be the right decision for your family.
if you know you’ll be returning to work, or if you are weighing up whether to go back to work or become a stay at home mum you might want to take a look at our blog about Looking For Childcare.