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8 small illustrations of women engaging in self care from left to right the top row shows 1. A woman in sportswear lifting weights. 2. A woman and man sat at a table on a date. 3. A woman carrying shopping bags. 4. A woman sat at a table alone reading. The bottom row from left to right shows 1. A woman wrapped in a cosy blanket with a hot drink. 2. Two women sat at a table drinking coffee and laughing. 3. A woman relaxing in the bath. 4. A woman sat at a computer using social media.

Self Care

Jen Longman
Mums SOCIAL Activator

It’s tough being a parent, caring for babies and children is a 24/7 job. So many of the mums I chat to at Mums SOCIAL meet-ups say the same thing – they were totally unprepared for how hard being a mum would be. Of course it’s wonderful, magical even, seeing this amazing little human that you created grow, learn and change, but it’s also relentless. So it’s important to take time for some self care every now and then.

Have you heard the saying that you can’t pour from an empty cup? How about the aeroplane analogy – that the cabin crew always say if the oxygen masks come down then you should put your own on first before helping children. They’re ways of saying that you still need to look after yourself even though you also now have a baby to look after.

An illustration of a woman trying to cook a meal, talk on the phone and calm a crying baby all at the same time.
Trying to be everything to everyone is exhausting and means we can easily forget about our own needs.
Image: artinspring

Although us mums have a tendency to put ourselves at the end of our very long lists, making sure to do a bit of self care sometimes is really important for our mental health. Self care looks different to different people so don’t feel like you have to do something specific that you wouldn’t normally.  It also doesn’t need to be timetabled or take up a lot of time.  Getting stressed out about doing self care kind of defeats the object!

Self kindness

We put a lot of pressure on ourselves sometimes, even, or perhaps especially, when we’ve had a baby.  Expectations of how we think we should be parenting, how our baby should behave, how we should look, how our house should look.  As a result the most important bit of self care we can do is to be kind to ourselves.

Think about how you would react if a friend said she was feeling overwhelmed and like she should be doing more but was struggling.  Would you tell her to suck it up and get on with it or would you be sympathetic and help her see that maybe she is expecting too much of herself?

You might need to rethink what is realistic for you in your situation. You will almost certainly need to be more forgiving of yourself – we all make mistakes sometimes.  Perhaps you will come to the conclusion that getting things done to a good, or even ok standard sometimes is better than burning yourself out striving for perfection in all things.  I know I did!.

A young woman sits on the edge of her bed in front of a baby’s cot with her head in her hands. She’s tired and rundown.
It’s important to nurture ourselves too.
Image: lenets_tan

In addition to being kind to ourselves it is important to nurture ourselves too.  It’s all to common to find we become ‘mum’, ‘partner’, ‘housekeeper’ and the person we were before becomes a bit of a fuzzy memory.  But that person is still there, and spending some time doing things for her will help keep your mental health and wellbeing on an even keel.

So what can we do to practice a little self care?

Some of these things will only take a few minutes to do and others might fill up a whole afternoon.  You can do some of them at home and some you might need to go out for.  Some you can do while baby is around and for others you will need someone else to take care of them for a while.  If you aren’t ready to leave your little one with someone else just yet that’s fine, give those ideas a miss until a later date. These are just suggestions though, self care is about doing something good for yourself so if nothing on my list appeals then do something else! Why not share your self care ideas on our forum? You might inspire someone else to take a moment!

Some ideas:

A mixed race woman sits in a comfy green armchair and reads a magazine
Escape with a book or catch up on hobbies, celeb gossip, scientific discoveries or sport with your favourite magazine.
Image: Impact Photography
  • Take a relaxing bath instead of a speedy shower
  • Read a chapter of a book or your favourite magazine
  • Go out for a run or start buggy running
  • Get a haircut or a beauty treatment
  • Meet a friend for a coffee or drinks
  • Have a meal out with your partner or a friend
  • Join a Mamafit® fitness class or sports team
  • Do some knitting or crafting
  • Watch an uninterrupted episode of your favourite programme – ideally with a warm brew and a biscuit!
    A white lady in leggings and a vest top with a bright yellow jacket tied round her waist is jogging along a path lined with trees. She carries a bottle of water in one hand and her phone in the other which is connected to earphones.
    Exercise benefits both your mental and physical health. The repetitive actions of running, walking and swimming can have a similar effect to spending time meditating.
    Image: demphoto
  • Spend some time gaming
  • Get a massage
  • Go for a swim
  • Take a walk, or just sit in the garden and really notice the sights, sounds, and smells of nature
  • Listen to a podcast – preferably something funny and/or uplifting, definitely not one about parenting!

 

 

You might want to schedule some regular ‘me-time’ in.  If you join a class or have a fortnightly trip to get your nails done for example.  Or you might take advantage of nap time to read/watch tv/game or take part in an online workout. You’ll probably mix and match both depending on how the days and weeks go.

If you find you’re feeling anxious, (more!) tired, snappy or tearful, you might just need to do a bit of self care.  So try and grab a moment do do something for yourself – it really is worth it.

 

 

Tags: down time, looking after mum, mental health, Self care, self kindness
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